"I have a secret, but I'm not telling anyone. No, silly. It's not a beauty secret. <giggle,giggle,snort,snort>
About two weeks ago, the humans thought that I was going to have babies. I was housed with three other sows, and they figured out that two of them weren't pregnant. Those humans are so smart! I lived with Bertha. Think BIG. I also lived with two very nice brown pigs named Pumpkin and Nutmeg. We were all introduced to a boar at the farm we used to live on. Perhaps that was bore. He was a real hog!
"The humans came armed with vegetables. Oh, chard in the pocket. That's a nice look!"
"There were more vegetables in a bucket and a sleeve of crackers. If that was a sleeve, I'd like to
eat see the whole shirt. I like crackers."
"They even had a rope. Maybe that was in case they were unsuccessful. Those humans can be so emotional, and quite dramatic! They tried to round me up to walk me to the new pen, where I could be left alone to have my babies. Did I tell you they were smart? I must reconsider. Bertha, Pumpkin, Nutmeg, and I ran this way and that, but I wasn't going anywhere if I could help it."
"Bertha's much older and a tiny bit bigger, so she gave me lots of advice, that served her well over the years. What was that she said? Hmmm? Oh, yes RUN!"
"After a few hours of playing with the humans, we decided to take a dip in the pool."
"Pregnant gals like a nice soak every now and then. By the way, got any more crackers?'
"I got out of the pool and ran around with the humans for a while. They left and came back with fence panels. They gave me my own private fence. It lead to the horse trailer. Well, by now, I was so hungry I could eat a horse. There wasn't a horse in there. I must remember to complain to the management!"
"I'm living up near one of the barns. There's no pool, my friends are partying without me and I'm supposed to have babies. Hmm? I sure am hungry. I need lots of extra food for my babies. Right? Those nice humans fed me and fed me. I'm more shapely than ever. They said it was my monthly time and I wasn't pregnant after all that. I tried to tell them that I used one of those little test thingies. They're really easy, you just tinkle on them. They wanted to know where it was. I had to admit that I ate it, but I'm really pregnant, so I need some more food."
"Don't tell the humans, but I'm faking it. I'll have babies one day, but I think they'll have to get a boy pig. Can I get some more crackers?"